Grieving the past; remembering old memories good and bad and grieving for the loved ones lost. 💔😭

Today I really needed to write this as I’m struggling.

Today is the anniversary of my first wonderful rat- Mary passing away, which Facebook saved the day for me.

Lately I’ve been struggling as it is to see the positive sides of my life, and I’ve been stuck in a cycle of depression at the moment with struggling financially at work with getting my part time hours cut, getting little to no support whilst at work, and struggling with negative people in the workplace who have made a beeline for me.

I have been looking for other work but I’m getting no luck as of yet.

I’m finding it hard to see things getting better- it’s making me feel really hopeless and depressed which most definitely doesn’t help when this popped up on my wall on facebook.

Upon seeing this my PTSD is in overdrive and all that pops into my head is how she died, how upset I was when she passed, collecting her ashes from the vets and looking after my other 3 rats once she passed.

What also pops into my head is the environment I had around me then- I had my own house, I was still at university where I felt like I was making progress in my life, I was still engaged…

I think its because I’m feeling down my brain automatically dwells on the bad memories- I’m stuck in a black cloud of depression today.

Instead I should be remembering the good times, all the fun I had with her, how she helped me through a difficult part of my life and how she brought such joy to my life.

I will forever miss her and her 3 sisters.

Now I have my new 2 girls Anna and Elsa to look after and I have to give them as much love as I gave my first 4 rats.

I have to somehow get myself out of this depression and make myself feel better today although I have no idea how because this spout of depression seems to be from my environment.

#depression #clinicaldepression #ptsd #moarning #lostpet #sad #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthsurvivor

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