Stuck in limbo. 😫😥

⚠️I apologise in advance this is a bit of a rant/emotional writing. ⚠️

Since my laparoscopy and my long awaited diagnosis of Endometriosis after years of going to the doctors crying in pain and not being taken seriously I am still left in limbo!

I do not feel any better now than I did when I was trying to get diagnosed in fact I now feel worse.

After waking up from my laproscopy I was shown the pictures of the Endometriosis which is enough to scare anyone nevermind someone with anxiety and depression and I was promised an explanation and help with my next appointment but this has been cancelled after 4 months of waiting. 😣😥😭

The soonest appointment I can get now is the 2nd of December!

My pain is getting worse day by day, I don’t understand my condition fully or how severe it is for me, I don’t know how to effectively manage my pain or fatigue and I’ve been taking pain killers since 2016 that just make my chronic fatigue worse.

I feel more anxious day by day, I don’t want to let this condition win or stop me from doing anything BUT IT IS! 😞🙁🥺💔

I am overthinking everything and what also makes it worse is that I feel I have no one close to me to even discuss it with, if I get asked about it or it crops up i happily open up about it to others but I get blank stares, confused looks and non responses especially from women who seem to have no idea about this type of condition or most of the women I’ve spoken to. What’s the worse response though is the – other people have it worse! Yes I know other people have it worse and I have nothing but sympathy and empathy for them but this is my life and I’m struggling and this response doesn’t make me feel any better- do I not deserve empathy?

I am tired of battling the pain everyday, I’ve had responses like- the pain is in your head, it’s your perception on the pain, acknowledge your in pain and it will get better, ignore the pain and it won’t be as bad.

NONE OF THESE HAVE WORKED NOR ARE TRUE!

I do not chose every morning to wake up in pain, to have to take painkillers, use heat pads, hot water bottles, a tense machine and/ tiger balm just to get a little relief.

The doctors don’t like me taking my pain killers so they make it increasingly hard for me to get them on repeat prescription all the time so I don’t leave myself short or without painkillers at all- even though pain killers is the only help that the have offered me.

I just feel so angry, upset, alone and isolated in this.